Now that’s a question I’ve always feel ashamed of having asked. I was ashamed even when it came into my mind. What was wrong with me? Don’t I know what I offer to others? Don’t I know what my values are?
Erm… yes… or… no? The thing is that sometimes one focus so much on the flaws that can’t see the good in oneself. Besides, more often than not, people love us for our imperfections or for what we think it doesn’t have any value, or for our quirkinesses…
Because, maybe, only maybe, the people are with you for different reasons that you think they are. Maybe they are not with you for your entertaining skills (which may be a bit crap in my case) or your engaging conversation (which may be rambling, incoherent or flat boring…) but for your empathy, understanding, non judgement or your listening skills amongst many other possibilities.
We are usually more demanding with ourselves that with the others. So don’t try to be something you are not only in order to please. Don’t try to focus in some skill you don’t master for the wrong reasons, as thinking that that will improve your relationship with others, whereas you are neglecting any other skill you consider unimportant but it is the real reason why people is with you.
I truly admire those people that know exactly what their assets are and why they are loved. I am still very lost in this. I don’t know exactly what my merits are. But I know I am a mixture of strengths and weaknesses, different traits that conform me. Some of my weaknesses, or what I considered weaknesses, have turned out to be one of the reasons why some people are attracted to me (e.g.. my vulnerability or my introspection, or my quietness…) and these traits which I used to hate are now the main part of the most successful aspects in my life.
The moment I stopped worrying about the whys and let the things be as they are, felt a great relieve.
With this I am not saying that one shouldn’t try to know oneself better and become what one wants to be. Not at all. Knowing oneself is the only way to improve, evolve and grow in a positive and healthy way. What I am saying is that it is of no use to try to know what the values other people see in us or try to impose certain merits we believe the other will love in us if they are not genuinely ours or they don’t serve our real self. There is no reason of trying to adapt ourselves into what we think the others love from us, fostering and boosting some qualities we consider valuable while neglecting or hiding what we think is a flaw and people won’t love.
First, you don’t have any idea of why these people love you. So don’t try to become something you are not naturally in order to please. Second, the majority of the people will love you for yourself, and will love you more for your faulty genuineness, than for a fake / pretended perfection.
Besides, who loves perfection?
We are all about self improvement, self development, which is great. And we know it’s a continuous work, we work in improving ourselves every day, but our flaws are also a part of ourselves and when we are ok with our imperfections we are allowing the others to love them too.
It’s about improve, yes, but it’s also about acceptance and letting others to know and love those slight and unimportant flaws than make you special and lovable.