Sometimes you need to act more extroverted than you are.
Isn’t it that an incongruence, when this blog is all about personal acceptance and embracing your personality and love yourself…?
I particularly love this quote: Be true, be you.
These should be everyone mantras:
- Love, accept and be true to yourself. Be genuine and original. Yes!
- Don’t change your behavior to please anybody. Yes!
- Follow your dreams. Yes!
But, what if your inherent personality traits are not suitable for accomplishing your dreams?
Is it, then, licit to change behavior?
And what if by changing our natural behavior and personality, you feel you are not being honest to yourself? True to yourself?
It’s like you are admitting that your personality is wrong and that’s the reason why you need to change it or pretend you are someone you are not.
What if your dream is becoming an actor, a professor or teacher, a leader… or any other job related with public speaking and interacting and engaging people? What should you do then? Give up on your dreams?
In front of that situation, you only have two options. Give up or make concessions.
Think that it might be more positive and fruitful to manipulate your behavior a bit and pretend you have a charismatic persona in order to achieve those dreams.
Think that we already behave differently depending on the situation without the necessity of creating a fake persona.
As William James said:
A man has as many social selves as there are distinct groups of persons about whose opinion he cares. He generally shows a different side of himself to each of these different groups.
So it’s not that you are not being honest to yourself. Because we are flexible and have the capacity of acting in different ways. So, extending that to other sphere of our lives just to get what we want doesn’t seem now so wrong.
It is not about not accepting your true self. It’s only to make a compromise in order to get the most fulfilled life we can get. It’s only to make allowances, temporarily ones.
Fake it till you make it.
Playing a role. Behaving differently as you would naturally do, it’s exhausting. It will drain your energy completely but it’s so worth it when you feel so pleased and satisfied. The effort of stretching our natural limits is totally justified by the importance of the task. Forget the possible ambiguity and morality of acting as different person. It’s not a bad thing to pretend we are more extroverted or outgoing when we do it for the sake of our dreams or something we consider important for our own happiness.
Keep pretending and playing that role required for your dreamed job or vital, personal project as long as it serves you. Switching personalities will become easier with the time, less draining, although we can only stretch our personalities up to a point, we still have an inborn temperament that will remain there.
That’s why it’s important to keep a safe place to ourselves. Find time to release yourself, to be alone, to be silent… whatever you need to charge batteries again before going back on the “stage”.
However, there will be times when you meet a new you. It might happen that after many “performances” you feel more and more comfortable with the role you were playing, in which case, congratulations! You discover a new you, as real as the previous one. A new version of you, an evolution.
“You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.” – Paulo Coelho
Have you ever feel the necessity of behaving differently as you would usually do in order to get something important for you? Do you think is licit to pretend we are someone we are not? Does the end justify the means?