Sometimes is the people, other times is what the place has of challenging and difficult, of how it puts you out of your comfort zone. Sometimes are the experiences you have in that place or these little details amongst a crazy and sordid environment, these little details that make that place and that moment unique and special and something you wouldn’t change for being anywhere else in the world, like waking up in the morning by the laughters and voices of the children going to school, like walking in the indistinct chatter in an unknown but somehow already familiar language, the greeting smiles of these familiar faces of the strangers who are not strangers any more, the foodie smells, the wonderful landscapes that you don’t notice anymore but that when you do still turn your stomach upside down because of its magnificence.
Sometimes just walking home in the dusk, alone, feeling the fresh air after a very warm day, the clothes brushing your skin, the quietness, the dark and the peace you feel in that moment in that place, when it doesn’t matter what’s going to happen in the future because that moment is so perfect that fulfills you completely making the journey worth it.
Sometimes is not the place itself but what that place means to you, what being there means or how that make you feel.
And how to explain to someone who doesn’t understand why you are doing this? How can you explain and make them understand with words an emotion, a feeling if it hasn’t been experienced for that person in the same way because its your experience and anybody else’s, because are your vital circumstances, your dreams and your fears what makes this so special and valuable when for others would be crazy and meaningless.
So it’s not India. It’s not the place. It’s what being here meant to me.
An step forward.
Putting myself way out of my comfort zone and ended feeling inside again.
Being alone. Traveling alone. Start alone in a new place with all that implies in terms of pushing myself to interact with people and fulfill my needs of socializing. Learn how to solve everything by myself without relying in anybody else: emotionally and practically.
Feel the pain, the need, the loneliness, the discomfort. And cry, but find a way out of the negative emotions and see how even in those moments you learn something and you are thankful and pleased.
Because your life is not a dead line anymore. And you wouldn’t change this uncertainty, these upside moments with those unavoidable downsides for having a settled life. Because even when you crave some routine in your life, you know that you aren’t able anymore of accepting a regular job in a fixed place, because now it’s all about your freedom and the challenge to make this way of life work, because you’re more scared of a dull life than you are of taking the challenge and responsibility that comes with this journey.
So it’s not the place.