The answer of a mute gut

The problem of a silent gut: home or Bangkok

I am the kind of person that follows their gut. There is no point for me in keeping making list of pros and cons when my body or feelings tell me something else. I just need to hear to what the have to say as crazy or illogical or wrong as it may sound. Follow my gut has always been right. It my have been risky or it may have ended bad but I never regretted any decision I made following my gut.

However, for the last week I was in a desperate need of a decision and my gut went mute. Not a word, not a feeling was pushing me to take one road or the other (literally). Result? I started asking all people I know about advice, which felt quite stupid, didn’t I know better? Well, I should but both my head and my heart were silent. I had lots of reasons but no feeling of what was the right thing for me.

Ultimatum

And then I gave me an ultimatum. I couldn’t keep dragging to make a decision if I wanted to leave Dharamsala by the end of this month.

So I went to an internet cafe and looked for flights to Bangkok. I was about to purchase one flight for the 5th of June but I just couldn’t finish the booking. I wasn’t sure! And I am not that indecisive, I am pretty impulsive and don’t mind so much about risks, so I took this lack of assurance as a sign.

Maybe it wasn’t the right destination? So I opened a map and asked myself: “If is not Thailand and not home, where you really want to go?” “Cork!” – I shouted! And then I repeated the question, if is not Thailand, home or Cork (where I’ll go after this trip) where do I want to go? And then I took a bit of time looking around the map and decided that I was really looking forward to go to Turkey, I remembered how jealous I felt when my friend was there and realized that was one of my destination places on the list.

Rethink and things will go clear

Don’t know why but I was so stubborn about having to decide between Thailand or back home, as if there were no other place in the whole world for me to go… I know, stupid, but somehow I couldn’t see other options.

So my gut was still right by not giving me an answer between Thailand and home (good girl…) and it was because both destinations were not the right one. It was too soon for me to go back and Thailand… well, it is more other people’s part of the journey than mine. Bangkok sounded good for few days and then I was planing to go to an island, but if you knew me a bit, you’d know that I don’t particularly love beaches so I’d have been deadly bored at the end of the second day and a good tan is not reason enough to keep me in a beach.

Why did I think of Thailand in the first place? I think that I heard it so many times in a short period of time that it came to my mind when I started thinking about destinations. But I should have thought a bit more harder and deeper to realize I am not a beach person and that there are still few places in my list instead of start improvising other destinations.

So, Istanbul it is, hell yeah! I’m fully convinced. It didn’t take a minute to hit the “book now” button, whereas it took me days looking around for flights “Delhi – Bangkok” or “Delhi – Madrid”…

It’s such a relieve! I was becoming very worry with this inability of taking a decision, I thought that I was going backwards in my journey of self knowledge and improvement… But it wasn’t that, it was just a problem of stubbornness and stuffiness…

What I learn from this? If it doesn’t feel right it might not be right, don’t keep trying and look for another option.