I feel I shouldn’t use this word to express this, it is not that I will have to sleep under the stars from then on or that I won’t have the fortune of a shelter… It’s not that, I will still have a roof below my head but I won’t have a place I call home anymore.
Let me explain: It was almost 5 years ago that I moved with my sister to a lovely flat in my hometown. A year later I left the country and went to live in Ireland. Whenever I came home on holidays I stayed with my sister. It was no doubt I was going to stay there. From the day I moved with my sister, my parent’s house stopped being my home to be my parent’s. When I left Ireland and came back home few months ago I started sharing with my sister again.
Next Thursday I am going to India for few months and after that? I don’t know. I have a couple of ideas but nothing certain: I might go back to Cork, I might go somewhere else… the only thing that is sure is that I won’t have a home in my hometown anymore. My sister is leaving “our” flat and I won’t have that safe place to go whenever I am back in my hometown. I have my parent’s house, sure, but that’s not home.
I have mixed feelings about it. It feels really strange to think that I don’t have a place to call my own, not bad or sad though, just strange. I guess I need to think deeper about this new situation, I still don’t know if I am ok with this because I’m so excited about my trip to India that I really don’t think about afterwards. I have the impression that next Thursday is going to be the starting of a fresh new blank page in my life so there is no point in thinking about what I’m going to do after the first paragraph since I don’t know where the story is going to lead me. However I do like to analyze the feelings and emotions I experience and to know why. I’m still figuring me out, I’m afraid and I’m still not sure about my soon to be homeless.
I’ll end this post here and keep reflecting on my own until I figure it out.