I know this post arrives three days later. I was supposed to publish it last Friday but I had a little complication accessing to my site. Now the problem is solved and I can get back to work, so here I am again!
Few months ago I wrote a post about being in a transitional phase. Today, even though I don’t think I have reached my destination yet and I don’t even know if I ever will, I do feel I am in a place I want to be.
In the middle of two worlds
I am in between two opposite worlds. My old world, the traditional and safe one, doesn’t fit with me anymore. I would never be able to settle in that world again and be happy. On the other hand I am not sure I fit in the unconventional, nonconforming, unsettled one that seems so appealing to me lately, even though I definitely feel much more close and comfortable with these subversive adjectives than I feel to the customary ones.
I have big dreams for this year, both related to pursuing my passion – my teaching career – and to experiencing my life fully at the same time. However, how experience my life fully is the tricky part for me because I only know what I don’t want in my life but I still haven’t figured out exactly what I want.
- I don’t want to stay in my hometown where I feel like a caged animal.
- I don’t want to settle down for the moment. I am kinda enjoying this uncertainty and lack of attachments.
- I don’t want to go back to work for someone else. I love being self employed!
- I don’t want any routine, furthermore I want to experience new things as much as possible.
Having said that I still like the cozy and comfy feeling provided for my family and close friends. I enjoy very much my own company and being on my own has never been a problem, nevertheless sometimes I just need to be with someone I love and who loves me… I know, I am a big softy… 😉 I’m kinda scared to jump into a world full of discoveries, adventures and growth but empty of the people I care about to share the adventures with.
Live your life on your own terms
I have always done pretty much what I wanted in life, with all the mistakes that not following advices and the established path implies. And I am quite proud about it. But it wasn’t until these last months when “living on my own terms” has acquired a real, tangible meaning. I am far from following the established path (having a permanent job with a steady paycheck at the end of the month, have a fixed house and a boyfriend, who would become a husband one day if you are lucky). As I said I am far from getting all of this and I don’t miss it but at the same time I think I got trapped into the opposite world. I am afraid I was just pushing me away of everything that sounded like traditional or normal so I inserted myself into an antagonistic world. Since I din’t fit in my old world anymore, I just wanted to fit in a new one…
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. ~ Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905
Creating a new set of rules: mine
I truly believe I need to end up with this necessity of belonging to a group: building up character and being true to myself is going to be the purpose of this new year because being what you are is the first step in order to improve what is in you that needs improvement.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~ E.E. Cummings