The opposite of life is not dead, it’s apathy

I have been dreading Friday since last week because I had to write a post. The deadline was getting closer and I couldn’t find anything to write about. I didn’t have anything to say because I wasn’t experiencing anything (or that was what I was telling myself), what shown me that  I am suffocated in the apathy.

I lost the momentum. I’m finding myself spending more and more time at home, not seeing friends, barely moving from my seat in front of the computer. I am not experiencing things, not because I don’t have the opportunity, but because I don’t feel like it,  I am not expressing myself in the ways I usually do: I am not drawing, writing, or taking pictures… the kind of things that make me happy, relaxed and make me reflect about my environment.

Conclusion: I’m not living.

Or I wasn’t, until I read Caroline Leon‘s last post and, as I was writing a comment, I realized I was forcing myself to not living… as if I were afraid of my pliable self and I didn’t want to find a reason to convince me to stay at home instead of relocating to another country.

The day when I am leaving home is getting closer, only a month and a half away, and I’m starting to find excuses to stay: family, money, responsibility… And in the meantime, I’m all plaintive, focusing only in the negative of my current situation to keep myself strong to pursue my goal, but that has a negative side: I’m wasting my present.

So, once I’ve realized about my apathy, I’m forcing myself to beat it: I practice daily exercise again, I re opened my diary and forced myself to write every single thing that used to make me happy, I force myself to leave the house and walk… Pushing oneself, forcing oneself, beat that resistance is hard but is definitely worth it.

“Daily pleasures” series

In the task of beating my apathy’s ass, I launch the “Daily pleasures” series tonight. I intend to write a daily post about a pleasurable thing I experience during the day. Why will I do that? Because I want to go back to live the life the way I used to: enjoying every detail, being thankful and amazed by the feeling of the sun on my skin or a simple warm coffee in a nice terrace. I really need to go back to be that person whether I’m in my hometown or in a lovely foreign city! And I encourage you to follow the series, who knows?, maybe you discover a new pleasurable thing that was already in your life and you didn’t realize before… 😉

10 thoughts on “The opposite of life is not dead, it’s apathy

  1. Hola Maria ! 🙂

    As always, it’s a beautiful post that you wrote and i understand what you mean…sometimes, we feel like doing nothing, seeing nobody and just staying at home. I think we need to remember the things/people that we love and motivate ourselves to do/see them.

    Where are you going? (you said you were leaving home)

    ps: You are gorgeous on that picture!!

    • Salut Caroline! 😉

      Yes, sometimes we just let ourselves go by the indifference or lassitude, that’s why I am obligating myself to go out, interact with people and appreciate all the wonderful things the world offer to us every day.

      I plan to relocate somewhere in Central / North Europe. Hasn’t decided the destination yet but feel attracted to Belgium and Czech Republic, amongst others. There are so many lovely cities that it’s taking me very long to make my mind!!!

      Thanks for the compliment, the ennui suits me very much 😛

  2. Hi Maria, I love this post and I love the series you’re doing. What a way to beat apathy. today I felt totally apathetic and realised that the only way around it was to jump from my seat, jump in the car and go to a meeting that I love to attend. Action is definitely a great antidote to apathy as are daily pleasures. In terms of daily pleasures, tomorrow, I’m starting a 30-day experiment to spend 15 minutes a day meditating i.e. doing nothing, so we’ll see how that turns out 😉

    • Hi Caroline!
      I coincide with you, the only way to beat apathy is action, for me is making myself to recognize the good things that happen every day and not letting myself going to bed without having experienced a pleasure. I never did meditation but it must provide a great pleasure, I think about doing it too… I might ask you for some advice about it in the future. Enjoy the daily 15 minutes of non activity whatsoever! 🙂

  3. I guess we all have those “I don’t feel like anything” days…. Happens to me a lot, since I have a tendency for depression….
    So, I came up with a similar solution: get me out of the house with any reason. From going out to a parks bench to read a book (Gotta love the Kindle!), to ride a couple of hours in my motorcycle… Pretty soon I forget all the apathy.

    I love the series you’re doing! so far 6 days and everything seems perfect to be tried in an apathy moment. I have a tendency for hedonism, so I’m not as healthy, but I try and exercise as much as possible.

    Can’t wait to read the next day’s little (or big) “pleasure of the day”!!


    PD: I don’t want to abandon coffee, but reducing how often I drink it. For some reason caffeine doesn’t do anything to my body, so I drink it only for the taste, I love it! (Hedonism talking).

    • I am a big hedonist myself as well: maximize the pleasure and minimize the pain is one of my mottos. I try and treat myself with all luxury but the luxury, lately, is what gives me instant pleasure but a long term pleasure too. Feeling healthy makes me feel good in the moment and later.
      I’m so happy you enjoy my pleasures of the day too! 🙂

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