Personal / Reflections

Dealing with doubts and fears… and a positive note about it all

I am having doubts. I am doubting myself, my abilities, my choices and my instincts. And that scares me.

On me

I found myself lacking confidence lately. I am worried of not having the required abilities to pursue my goals and succeed. I am sure about what my strengths and weaknesses are: I know I am a hard worker but I am not self disciplined, I know I have passion for what I do, but I’m not organized enough sometimes. These flaws have always being; nonethelss I have always got the things done. But now I’m scared because I know these flaws could lead me to failure if I don’t overcome them. Somehow I’m not scared of outside obstacles I might find but of me, of my weaknesses, of me having doubts and not putting myself together and giving up eventually.

On my purpose

The fear of failure is not so bad. I failed in numerous times and I recovered and tried again or moved on. I’m not scared of failure itself but of the consequences of my failure would have in my environment. I don’t want to steal sleeping hours to my people, who are already worried because I don’t have a boyfriend (not talking about a husband) that would take care of me in case of not succeeding, neither I have a regular job with a steady paycheck. And I’m adding two more reasons to their concern: I’ve started my own business and I intend to live abroad, far from their support. Of course, I’m worried of them not sleeping.

When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. -Honore de Balzac

But the bad part is that I’m worried about what they’d think about me too. My pride is playing a dirty trick on me. I don’t want to fail so that I’m not seen as “poor little thing living under the delusion that she can lead a life out of the normal path and succeed”, being considered irresponsible, childish, naive… and this is happening because I’m doubting myself.

Overcoming the doubts: how?

With this fears and doubts in my mind, I’ve told my self maybe I should give up, stay at home and look seriously for a job in an academy… Whenever I think of this option the anguish takes hold on me. I’m scared of leaving and working by myself but I’m even more scared of not doing it, give up on my dreams and stay.

Doubts are inevitable, the main thing is how you deal with them, and here is what I’m doing to overcome them:

  • Focusing in your past and present achievements: It wasn’t an easy way but my students and their results prove me a good teacher.
  • Considering the worst scenario: It won’t be beautiful, but I can deal with it.
  • The positive of having doubts is that sometimes they are well founded and they show what your weaknesses are: You don’t have other choice than acknowledge them and find a way to overcome them.
  • Don’t let the doubts paralyze you, keep going, do what you have to do and maybe experience will prove you wrong, or not…

I will finally leave you with a positive note I read:

Doubts are fear, and fear is: Forgetting Everything’s All Right. ~Sherri Levy

12 thoughts on “Dealing with doubts and fears… and a positive note about it all

  1. Great post Maria, i totally get what you’re going through… and i definitely recognize myself in the “no boyfriend” and “not living the normal path”…i’m there too! And in a way, i’ve always been there, but you have to keep faith and deep down you know what is right for you 🙂

    Who cares about the husband and the white fence ? 😉

    • Yeah, you’re right, Caroline, we all know what’s better for us, but sometimes we stumble on fears and social environment’s pressure, which can make us doubt ourselves…

      Thanks for reading!

      Ha! A husband? Nah! 😛

  2. Maria – this is the key – Focusing in your past and present achievements to overcoming doubts and fears. I’m sure if you looked at your life and like you said your students, you always have succeeded in the past. So focusing on the past can help give you more confidence for the present and future.

    This is a strange but interesting video of how 50 cent overcame fear:)

  3. This post hit me between the eyes. I was reading about TS Eliot and how he knew French, German, Latin, and Greek BEFORE he life St Louis for college in the UK. Then he began to study sanskrit (!); I feel totally dilettantish in the areas I felt most apt. For me, measuring myself (CV, language ability, height, body-shape, whatever!), is a shortcut to misery.

    You write fluently and elegantly, are bilingual, live on the Iberian peninsula: this is all amazing. Look forward to more conversation

    • First of all, thank you for your kind words! 🙂

      I totally agree with you, a person shouldn’t be measured by the career, skills or any other thing…. but all these things are a support when you want to take a leap in your life and take a risk. I feel the same about the areas I am most competent, but I guess that’s because that matters so much that being good it doesn’t seem to be good enough…

  4. Self-doubt is the thorn in every creative’s side. It’s pushing through that barrier that’s the most painful of all. You have to simply keep ploughing on.
    Nice post.

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