Personal / Reflections

You’re not like that!

That’s the sentence that started it all…

It amazed me when I hear someone saying “you are this way or that way” to someone else, because I think that knowing someone fully to the extent to be able to define that person seems impossible to me.

Reasons:

  1. Not always we show ourselves completely (I know very few people that are completely transparent).
  2. Even though we are genuine, we might not show ourselves all at once.
  3. Sometimes the image we project of ourselves doesn’t match the interior.
  4. We change and evolve.

What I want to say with this is that I find quite daring to advice someone to do or not do something attending to what that person thinks is good for you. Nobody knows better than yourself what is good for you and I’m talking about adults responsible of their own lives.

I am a responsible adult (most of the times) and, when I have explained to my people that I wanted to leave home and move to another country where I haven’t been before, I have received only discouraging advices, all of them uttered in honor of their love towards me. I don’t have any doubt about that love but I do have doubts that theses advices are the best for me. I know all these people care about me and they don’t want me to fail but the truth is I’m not scared of failing.

The thing about unwanted advices is that sometimes they cut wings, they create doubts, they make you feel guilty or crazy or irresponsible… Well, that was what these unwanted advices made me feel anyway…

What I want to say is:

  • To the unwanted advices givers: If you see someone taking a big risk and you are worried about that person, tell her what you think if you want, talk about the pros and the cons, but don’t discourage her. You might consider unlikely her to succeed, but you’re not 100% sure, are you?
  • To the unwanted advices receiver: If someone just tells you the horrible words “you shouldn’t”, “don’t do”, “you’re wrong” regarding your dreams or future plans, listen to them, take the positive of it (if there is some), reflect about what they said, but if after all reflection you still think you want to take the risk, follow your gut, don’t let them to have doubts or make you feel like a crazy, irresponsible old person that should resign with the mediocre. You deserve the best and you know what is best for you!

PS: I’m guilty of posting another video… yep. But I left it at the end this time. Is here, below, if you want to watch it, but I warn you is 9 minutes long and quite chaotic. I really need to learn how to produce a good speech. Toastmasters, I need you!

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8 thoughts on “You’re not like that!

  1. I would take ‘you’re not like that’ as a compliment:) That means you’re growing and becoming a different person like you point out.

    And unwanted advice does 2 things – one, it’s very discouraging to the person receiving it and two, it makes the person receiving the advice feel like they want to do it even more. When someone tells us we can’t do something, we want to challenge them. Telling people the pros and cons is the way to go without persuading others. Why can’t people say – do what your heart tells you to do, right?

    • Right! 🙂 And yes, I completely agree with your points about unwanted advices, it’s much better to talk about it, giving objective reasons not based in the supposed knowledge in what you think is better for the other person.
      Thanks for reading! 🙂

  2. Great post Maria – I too encountered much of the same sentiment when I handed in my resignation at work. What has been interesting, is that over three months after the initial “have you really thought this through” or “you shouldn’t” speeches, those SAME people are telling me how envious they are of these risks I’m taking…the same risks they cited as reason for not pursuing my dream in the first place.

    Thus far, the negative feedback I’ve received seems to be more a reflection of other people’s fears of the unknown and even more so, their own regret for not venturing off in pursuit of their own dreams.

    Again, great post and great advice for all of us who are “not like that”!

    • Hi Jenn,
      I agree with you in that “the negative feedback is a reflection of other people’s fears” and it’s a very interesting point there. That’s the reason why I ask less and less for advice and follow my gut more and more, an it’s going good so far… 🙂
      Thanks for reading!

  3. There is great proverb in india used for situations like this , here’s a rough translation : God has given us 2 ears for a reason, so that we listen from one ear, keep what we want to keep in our head, and send everything else out the other ear 🙂

    I firmly believe that It’s good to know people love and care for us, and if they genuinely care they still will regardless of what we do in life.

    A very good excerpt that resonates with me from the book ‘alchemist’ , which somewhat means ”when someone is in pursuit of their personal legend the entire universe makes an effort to help him succeed”.

    So, the only risk we can take is NOT doing something we want.

    All the best !
    Ajay

    • Hi Ajay,
      thanks for these wise words.
      I absolutely love that proverb, which I will keep in mind for certain occasions. And I agree completely in… all the rest basically! 😀

  4. I felt so much recognition listing to your video and reading your article.

    If we don’t even know ourself for 100% how can other people know us completely.

    I have lived abroad in Japan for 3 months and absolutely loved that country. Yet when I show my enthusiasm for Japan and tell people I want to live their permanently they start telling me that I would not like that and start talking about all the downsides of living their. It was like they assumed that I was watching at that country with blind eyes. How could they tell me that my love for that country was not real.

    At the moment I live abroad in Thailand for almost a year and before I came her people told me in a very negative way that I was crazy to go to Thailand but I won’t regret it for a minute.

    Lots of people fear the unknown and look with strange eyes to people that do follow their hart and take a risk.

    Your right Maria never resign with the mediocre. I always like to think of this quote from Einstein when I receve a lot of oposition when following my hart:

    Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds

    I find you very brave in following your own hart and start going abroad. I really hope you enjoy it.

    • I agree with you completely and I love the quote from Einstein too, I think I’m gonna keep it in my favorite quotes book 🙂

      Thanks a lot with this encouraging words, they came in the best of moments! And thanks for reading!

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