And I decided to take it as a sign to stop all this bouncing around a new blog et go back to the main one which has given me so much pleasures and continue doing it! I’m so grateful to Steph, from A Quiet Revolution, in first place, for giving me a reason to think a moment about my blog and realize that I don’t have the need to start a new one, and in second place, I am very grateful to my blog to…, yes, because it has been waiting there for me to come back.

So, now the fun part, telling 7 random facts about me:

1. Love coffee and I get great pleasure in taking pictures of coffee cups which I see a very complete pieces of art.

2. I have a shameful bad sense of orientation. There is no city in the word I haven’t got lost, which I’ve ended up seeing as a great source of adventures and discoveries.

3. I have a weird tendency to personify things (such as the above reference to my blog as an alive person waiting for me with open arms…)

4. Drawing relaxes me and it’s my personal form of meditation.

5. Many of my dreams have been changing and fading along the way, but I still conserve one dream from my childhood, which is to have, one day, a small room on my own full of books from floor to ceiling, an empty wall where I would have painted a big drawing of my creation, a sofa and a stained glass art deco lamp to give an indirect light in the room.

6. Wouldn’t say that I am a great cook, but I love cooking and all things related with food, from going to the market to eat the result of the cooking process.

7. I had a couple of weeks of religious devotion in my teens, where I used to go to church after class and walk on my knees from one side of the church to the other as a some sort of self imposed penance (don’t remember why I did punish myself in that horrendous way) until after few weeks the priest asked me stop doing that because I was distracting the other parishioners.

And my 15 nominees are:

1. A Life of Blue

2. The blog of Manu Loiret

3. Jan Stewart

4. Diary of a Late Bloomer

5. The Freedom Experiment 

6. Benjamin Spall

7. This is my Happiness 

8. That Backpacker

9. Katheen Bloom

10. Disrupting the Rabblement

11. A Greek Tragedy 

12. Life is Limitless

13. The Free Bird Project

14. Sarah Prout

15. Enso Journey

An my last words will go to Steph, again, many, many thanks to gently and without realizing, giving me push to go back to my origins…

L’hérisson, by Cécile Rousset

“We have a knowledge of harmony, anchored deep within. It is this knowledge that enables us, at every instant, to apprehend quality in our lives and, on the rare occasions when everything is in perfect harmony, to appreciate it with the apposite intensity. And I am not referring to the sort of beauty that is the exclusive preserve of Art. Those who feel inspired, as I do, by the greatness of small things will pursue them to the very heart of the inessential where, cloaked in everyday attire, this greatness will emerge from within a certain ordering of ordinary things and from the certainty that all is as it should be, the conviction that it is fine this way.” ― Muriel Barbery, The Elegance of the Hedgehog

As I was watching today the movie “L’hérisson”, a movie inspired in the wonderful book The Elegance of the Hedgehog, the meaning of the silences, the beauty of the detail, the wise and sometimes sombre reflections of characters brought some sorte of peaceful pleasure and content.

The same as the book, the movie impelled me to reflect about the eternal subjects of life, death, the beauty of the small things, the appearances… Not very in the mood of the frustrating subject of the appearances, I nested my thoughts about life and death and what’s all that about.

Curious how the same fact, a dead, can be unsettling or just a peaceful end. It’s not the death itself what is sad, but how you feel when you do, or the life you lead until you die.

Few weeks ago, my cousin died of malaria. He was a young guy of 37 years old. The truth is that after the shock when I received the news, I was sad mainly for the people he left behind, his parents and brothers, but not because he was dead. Let me explain. He lead the life he wanted. He devoted his whole life to others and when he died he was exactly where he wanted to be doing exactly what he wanted to do: he died young, yes, but he died having the happiest days in his life, helping as a missionary in Guinea.

Am I sad about his death? Yes, because you only wish a long fulfilled life to those you care about, but at the same time I found peace thinking that death it’s only the end of a life, and what matters it’s not death but what you have done with your life and what you were doing when you did.

As the Renné in the movie, my cousin died in utter happiness and fulfillment. It’s then when death is not scary anymore, when stop living is part of life. If you asked me now if I am scared of dying I would honestly answer no. Because I am leading the life I want, the best life I can, and my only concern would be for those who love me because their pain is the only thing in this world I want to avoid.

And having the best life is not about big things, is about being in harmony, pleased with what you are and what you do, when you wouldn’t change a thing, when you are not waiting or hoping for better days.

When one appreciate that “greatness of the small things” that fill drop by drop our glass of life, when this ephemere moment becomes an always, an everlasting memory that will bring you joy in your death bed. Seek for those moments and let the world, your world, be part of them, because they are going to be your bliss at the end and the relief to those who will remain without you.

The context

I am not very much into going out and partying. Besides, I enjoy being alone. So I am not leading a crazy busy social life here at all, and that’s fine. However, I realized that even if enjoy my current situation, sometimes I miss to have a group of like minded people to hang out with. So, once the realization came along I was determined to solve that problem.

Making excuses

I started looking for courses where I could, potentially, meet some friends a month ago and I still haven’t enrolled one! They are either expensive, far from my place or they will require a timetable I can’t commit with since I want to be available for my students.

As I said, excuses.

Then I looked for groups, Meet up, Couchsurfing… None of the groups standed out particularly, I wasn’t specially attracted to join any of them but I did to see what was going on… “Well, not much” – I kept saying to myself. The people of this particular group are too young, I would feel like a mummy, the people of this one are too old, I would feel like a child, the croud of this other group seem to meet only for alcoholic drinking purposes, this other group seems like a “meet singles around your neighborhood” group… However I keep looking until I found a couple of groups that seemed suitable enough for me. I was being too picky, I guess.

Taking action

Today I finally accepted to go to one of the meetings of one particular group. And I was actually quite excited to go. It was a francofile meeting group in a wine bar, adults, close to being too old but since I definitely prefer experienced and older than immature and younger, I said yes to the meeting.

It was today. I got ready. I put my jeans on, a plain T-shirt and flat sandals and took the tram to go to that wine bar in a quite fancy hotel. I wasn’t nervous at all, just hoping for meeting nice people and having a nice time.

I got off the tram and started walking towards the hotel. A big, tall hotel. As I saw the building, my fears popped out. It was a big fancy hotel in the middle of the central business district. I walked towards the building and I was feeling as if it was gobbling me down.

I kept walking. I came to the glass door as a doorman approached to me, tilted his head, smiled and spread out his arm and hand in a welcoming way. Nothing further. The process of freaking out kicked off.

I went in, continued walking straight until I saw a group of about 30 people standing, chatting to each other. All between their forties and their sixties, dressed up with elegant dark costumes and high heels, holding glasses of wine and laughing loudly.

I wasn’t expecting that many people. I wasn’t expecting that age range and the attire. I wasn’t prepared at all, and I freaked out.

As I walked past them. I was looking at the big happy group looking for a young face or casual clothing. I didn’t find it. I kept walking. I couldn’t stop. And I left the scary building from the back door.

I felt furious and disappointed with myself.

The mistakes

I wasn’t prepared. I was going there as if I was gonna meet a lifelong friend. I didn’t check the kind of place I was going, I didn’t check the people attending…

After some reflection, I made a list of several mistakes I thought I wouldn’t make anymore. How wrong I was! I’ll enumerate my mistakes here for you:

• Mistake #1: I arrived just on time, when all the people was already there, instead of being a bit early and let the people approaching to me or me approaching a smaller group.

• Mistake #2: I was too relaxed and I took for granted that I was going to meet a casual small group of people my age, so I wasn’t prepared to see a completely different situation.

• Mistake #3: I let my prejudices seized me and when I saw the people I felt that I didn’t belong and that I wouldn’t have a good time. I didn’t even try.

• Mistake #4: I let myself down by believing that wearing a pair of jeans instead of a black pencil skirt made me unsuitable for the group.

• Mistake #5: I anticipated the outcome. I felt that I was not going to be confortable an like a child and I didn’t give them and myself a shot.

Going back

As I walked few meters away, the feeling of disappointment and shame was too much to bear. I was angry, so angry that tears appeared in my eyes clouding my vision. Anger and disappointment with myself are two feelings I thought I was not going to feel anymore. And I didn’t want to feel them again. “Once bitten, twice shy” – they say… Well, I had just one lesser evil option: going back.

I turned around and went back inside the building going through the same fancy glass door, where the same doorman greeted my entrance a second time. The fear of disappointment was certainly greater than the shame of entering the same place I left few minutes before.

I went in, I approached the smaller group. An elegant, gray haired, french woman welcomed me and took me with her to the group she was talking to. I was still feeling uncomfortable, I felt I didn’t belong, one of my dresses had made me feel more confortable but my jeans would have to do today. I stayed for a short while. I didn’t feel great when I arrived home. I failed. I could have done better but at least, the disappointment was gone and replaced the anger by a slight feel of sadness. But sadness is a much more bearable emotion.

Believe it or not, your potential is infinite as it expands as much as your dreams.

Dreams and potential are very related ideas. Both seem unattainable and yet the most of us we believe in making them real, in transforming their abstract and impalpable substance into something tangible and real.

And that’s the first step. Because when you believe in your dreams and therefore in your potential, you are likely to try to materialize your dreams and develop your potential.

When you believe in the potential of your dreams and the reality of your potential, great things happen.

So you better believe it.

Some people would call it fate, others serendipity or luck… in either case, our lives become the way they are by these little accidental situations that lead us to meet someone, connect with someone, find the courage to make a decision, to say a word or to act in a certain way. Actions that will change your life’s direction 180 degrees from they way you knew it.

You obviously don’t recognize those moments when they happen. It’s only afterwards, when you see the consequences they caused, that you come to appreciate the value of that moment in time, of that confluence of situations, moments, people, emotions… that lead you to make that particular decision, to say those particular words to that particular person, to have the courage to behave in that particular way. And even that decision, words or behavior didn’t seem so important and life changing at the time because you saw them as a needed or normal reaction to that particular moment.

It’s when you look back that you realize the importance of that moment .It’s when you look back and recall those feelings, those people, that precise moment in time, that you realize their value.

I sometimes leave the memories of those moments to come into my mind. I relish in remembering the personal situation I found myself back then and the people I met who affected the course of my life at that precise moment in time, pondering on why and how I allowed my life to take that turn. Nostalgia? Sometimes. But whenever the longing, sentimental thoughts of the good old times seized my mind and shrink my heart, I just need to take a second to look around and to realize the privileged situation I am in, and when I don’t see the people once were with me, I look around again and see the new ones that are making my life special. And when nobody is there and the situation I find myself in is not as bright as I would like to, I just need to give myself a moment to breathe deeply, go out, see the sun and let it warmth touch my skin… Just a moment to realize that I am still in a privileged situation and that some people come and go but my heart has always been caressed.

And then, one day change the number in the calendar, a new year begins, and you look back at that very same day the previous year, and the previous one, and the one before… It’s just a new year, nothing else, but you wonder what decisions have you made the past year, what people have you encountered then that might affect the course of your life in this new year. Because, we like it or not, starting a new diary or appointment calendar feels like a new beginning, like the first day of a new bunch of unexpected moments. Moments that are shaping our life little by little, chiseling, carving and engraving sometimes without being even aware of their imprint, others, their impact would be so strong that there’s no way one don’t perceive their value.

All of them, the good, the bad and the inconsequential, are just moments, no more and no less.

However, this fear of being unable to move extends itself further than not being able to stretch my extremities. I am coming to realize that I am some sort of wild animal that needs freedom of movement to reach some peace of mind.

And it’s here where my problem with these invisible lines made by humans to divide countries, or groups of people and communities that were not divided in its origin appears. So human wars, battles and fights between kingdoms, arranged marriages and enemities have caused the world to have this lines that separate countries in the map.

I love History. I have a real passion reading about ancient history, the creation of civilizations and any kind of human evolution. I amuse myself very much watching movies and documentaries or reading historical books about the Middle Ages and all those alliances and schemes to enlarge the kingdoms over other lands. I am in awe with the Emperor Charles V (or Charles I in Spain) who ruled the Holy Roman Empire for 40 years in the XVI century, an empire so big the sun never set, made that vaste via marriages and alliances.

Once the era of Empires was over, some of those lines remain. Some of them are applied due to a sense of identity in a community, of similarities, other are just there for political reasons. Some lines have been shifted, whereas other new lines have been created over the last 50 years via wars and fights.

Lines and boundaries created by men to govern and control and / or protect the citizens that belong to a particular premise. And that’s not a problem until the citizen of a particular premise want to change location or visit other premises.

If you have a stamp from this country in your passport you can’t put a foot on our land. If you have born in this country you can’t come to this other country. If you don’t have a certain profession, job or status you can’t stay here…

There are all kind of limitations related with economical situation, from nationality or origin… Countless constraints that prevent one particular citizen from moving freely around this vast world.

“As long as we humans feel like we own the Earth, none of us can travel with complete freedom.”  Niall Doherty in The Impossibility of Freedom.

However, this big vast world is not that big and it’s getting smaller, accessible. Fast transports, affordable for many people. The media, that shows us what happens in the other side of the world in a matter of seconds. But not only these, what about the repercussion of the actions of one country has upon others. What if the fate of some countries is decided by the vote of some other nation? Let’s say that the success of a certain party over another one in some country elections is decisive to the fate of other countries, because this particular party is more belligerent or has some particular interest in going into war with another country. That happens… often. Why then, the population of that particular country affected by this other powerful country government actions can’t just leave their country and go living into that powerful country that is after all determining their fate?

Powerful countries

The more advantageous countries decide, not only about their land and people, but their decisions affect other less advantageous lands and people. And when this people want to leave a country where it’s not possible live anymore, we don’t allow them to access our land. That’s outrageously unfair! In some cases we have contributed to their situation.

(…) US president is powerful today. His political decisions affect the fate of the whole planet, and therefore those who elect him find themselves in a role which is not theirs by right, since the choices they make so often prove decisive for the future of the peoples of Asia, Europe, Africa and Latin America. In an ideal world, it should not be thus. A Disordered world, by Amin Maalouf.

Colonization

Think about all this colonies. All those countries colonized by the big empires. Those big empires are now stronger and more powerful countries than the ones that once were colonies. And when a citizen of those once colonized countries want to immigrate to the colonizer country, they can’t, they are not allowed.

We have colonised other lands and left the country in a worst situation than they were. We don’t know how they would have developed without the intervention of the colonizer empires. Maybe they would have done better, or worse, or the same (we know already there are lands bound to be poorer because less fertile, etc….) but isn’t it unfair not to allow them the free entrance in our countries? We invade them before!

Anyway, when I see the amount of money a country spends in keeping refugees asylums that don’t fulfill the minimun requirements to live properly, instead of spending that money in making easy to integrate the people in the country, it makes me really angry.

We are nomads

We have a history of nomadic people. In fact, thanks to this nomadic factor in the prehistory, all the continents were populated. We, men, have always moved in the search of a better situation, either we were looking for food or more fertile lands, or either we were moving due to climatic changes, we haven’t stayed put in one place until many years of transit. All populations of all countries had had a nomad origin before they stablished in one particular land. I see this as a natural evolution of men, so why are we preventing ourselves from doing something that is inherent to us?

I can’t help but wondering what would happen if we erased these limits stablished by these human made lines between countries? What would happen if we allowed a freedom of movement and the fluidity between the advantageous and disadvantageous population?

I don’t have an answer. There might be a chaotic situation but as far as I see the situation it’s pretty chaotic at the moment, why don’t we erase those fake lines and let the others in?

Only when you step outside from what is comfortable and familiar you grow, because you find yourself in a situation you have never been before where you need to react. And you do it. You react, and in many cases your reaction might even surprise you because you didn’t know what you were capable of doing.

Sometimes this acknowledgement will make you feel proud and pleased with yourself, but even if it doesn’t you still will have grown and learn by that new situation and your reaction.

Why then fear the unknown?

Challenge yourself. Discover your limits and dare to go beyond them.

Take the courage to step into the unknown by yourself without waiting for the unknown to catch you off guard.

The first purpose in my mind was to put myself out there in order to be found in the vast world of the internet so that any potential student could find me.

I created my Online Spanish Tutor (OST) website for professional purposes, and then I started writing a personal blog, this one!, which serve me well since I always had this necessity of expressing myself via the written word.

Once these two projects were launched, up and running, I continued thinking about new ways to improve my online teaching service in OST. I spent quite a lot of time until I found the perfect image, and after a couple of failures I found the current “face” for my virtual teaching “premises”, which albeit I like it, it’s not 100% perfect and I still envisage a couple of modifications.

Then I continued  looking after the content and the services offered. That’s when things became complicated and time consuming.

The first new product I created was a failure. I thought about making a podcast although my knowledge about the matter was none, which cause me a lot of sleepless nights reading and researching about how to create and spread a podcast. Once I learned the minimun required to be able to do something, I started publishing a series of podcasts with a medium quality (which still cause me pain to accept) that were a failure, not because of the feedback I received, which was quite positive, but for the fact that I had to spend so many time to do a mediocre podcast that I ended up hating doing it. Besides, I didn’t get that many users and since not even many people were benefiting from them, I stopped. That was failure number one.

The I thought that maybe a blog written in English addressed to learners of Spanish could be a good idea, so there I started blogging about the Spanish language in The Spanish Blog with video classes accompanying those posts. Well, this is working well so far. Yay!

Current situation

Working is coming smoothly and I have a nice amount of students and classes to keep me going that come from my OST webpage and from here as well. Besides the teaching scene, there are always a couple of projects not directly related with teaching that I really enjoy doing because they are a breathe of fresh air, like translations (the last ones are here and here) and writing in other educational blogs, like here. On top of that I have to keep “feeding” this blog and the project I share with my friend Steph.

As if this wasn’t enough. I am in the middle of editing a Spanish text book compiling all the materials I create for my classes which will be released soon. Besides I am starting to organize group Spanish classes (on line and on site)…. And I really want to create an online course with text book, videos and interactive exercises!

And I love it! I love every single piece of work I do. Every single piece has a place in my life and every single piece makes me enjoy. However, I am traveling. I am in Australia at the moment, which means that I battle an internal fight between the need and the will of working and the desire of exploring the new place.

OMG!

I don’t want to stop diversifying, besides I think it’s positive and refreshing, and I don’t want to stop thinking about other ways to improving either. However, at the same time I feel the necessity of experimenting new products and services and ways to improve and serve my students better, I feel guilty when I spend few hours exploring with new learning management systems to learn how to implement them in my classes because they are not part of my next class class…

Multitasking and me

I know spreading oneself too thing is risky but I can’t help but thinking that if I spend hours innovating and spreading my reach to new students and improving the quality of the materials for the current students it’s very positive. However, if I only focus in the creation of new materials and services I won’t earn a cent for many months. Guys, making a text book with great content, fun, with exercises audios and images loyalty free (which means I had to draw pictures myself) on my own takes an unbelievable amount of time!!!

Just this morning I went to a Mac Store looking for an ipad to offer to my parents for Christmas. Harmless action, one would say… Well, it’s not! While playing a bit with the ipad mini I just discovered Itunes U which gave me a big desire of creating a course for Itunes!!! I discarded the idea for the moment though, but it’s just an example of how everything related with education, languages, teaching and reaching students becomes a potential project in my mind.

After all this rambling, needless to say  that I am still a happy camper. I know I am not on top of everything sometimes or that I’m not making the most of my traveling time as much as I’d like to, however I got to work from a nice villa in Bali last month. Happy days! Happy busy days!

A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that’s unlocked and opens inwards; as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Leave the door open for new opportunities, when a door is closed another one opens, break the doors, which sounds very optimistic and empowering but the truth is that in order to find happiness, fulfillment and freedom, if that’s what we are looking for, we must start inside ourselves because that what we are looking for is already inside us.

Be open to the new opportunities? Yes. Break the closed doors if you wish? Yes!

But before doing all that searching, why don’t you close the door, sit comfortably inside and start listen to what your inner self has to say so that when you face a question or a search you are able to find the answers within your authentic inner self.

Start from the beginning, from where all the growth and evolution begins, inside the individual.

The heaviness

The moment before the storm breaks. The sullen wind, the leaden sky. That heaviness that hinders your movements like a tangible pressure on your head and temples as if you were inside a bubble. An almost solid feeling that makes you look forward impatiently for the burst of that bubble that prevents you from breathing freely.

The break

Finally some heavy drops start to fell on the ground. The sky becomes even grayer and the vibrating wind starts to blare. The scattered drops grow into a raging rain. The turbulence and the fury. The unstoppable nature roars.

The calm

..after the storm. The pressure burst and the lightness come back with a fresh atmosphere left after the wind, the heavy rain swept the path of gravel and dirt. And the leaden clouds open leaving streams of light come, lighting up the sky.

Leaving a weightless and diaphanous clear path ahead.

Like life.

The previous time when you feel the pressure of an inexorable situation that needs to be faced. The heaviness that prevents you from moving on and occupy all your thoughts. The fear of what the storm can destroy in their way. But when the pressure is too much there’s no other option that to let the storm go off. Face it. Confront its wild power with your strength. Some damage might be done, someone might be hurt, may be you, but that’s unavoidable. What matters is the peace and lightness one feels afterwards, the strength you earn, your hardened skin, the path that opens again in front of you.

“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ― Haruki Murakami